Boron - Chapter 25

Now, here's an interesting thing about both of these two
incidents. In both cases, I was "wrong". Not big deal wrong.
But wrong from a not being aware and on top of things
aspect. You see, in the incident with my roommate, if I had
been aware, I would have realized that my radio was causing
an infuriating disturbance. And, in this recent incident in
the mess hall, I should have realized that this guy was
deliberately positioned there for the express purpose of
rationing out the ice and here I was responding to his "What
about the rest of the guys?" with the answer, "To
hell with the rest of the guys!"

And, believe it or not, I said that a little unconsciously
because I sort of thought he was joking. You see, I just
wasn't on top of things.

On the street, neither of these things would have been a big
deal. But here, there is a lot less slack.

So, now that I know I'm off, what do I do? Well, I certainly
don't intend to fight this guy who I refer to as "The
Rodent". That could cost me six months extra in the joint.
But, I don't want many more of these incidents either. So,
what I intend to do is lay low for a while until I am
feeling strong and not feeling vulnerable.

You know why I'm going to lay low? It's because I'm
concerned. Not physically scared ("The Rodent" isn't very
threatening) but concerned that I better get back on top
mentally to be more prepared to deal with this environment.

Does it seem like I'm making a big deal out of all this?
Don't kid yourself. It's serious. I'm missing L like crazy
right now, I am missing my freedom, I am angry about having
to be here, I am diminished by my previous confrontation, I
am weak from fasting, I am tired (albeit pleasantly) from my
long run and all the time I spend in the sun and, in
general, I am a bit weakened.