moneymakingsecrets

With Morse Code, you can only tap out 26 different letters and the numbers zero through nine. But, on a computer keyboard, there are a trillion, zillion subtle differences. And, if you have a software program which can analyze these differences, you can identify the identity of anyone who has sent you an a-emil message. There are only (to my knowledge) seven of these software programs in the world. As far as I know, even the CIA and NSA don't have one.

But anyway, my Uncle Jack knew many military secrets (he had a top secret clearance) and he took all of his secrets to the grave. But, you know what? Before he died, he gave me a little something he had spent his lifetime perfecting. Only five other people know about it.

Let's shorten this story: When I realized it wasn't Terrance Leednaught sending me those vicious e-mails, I started to suspect it was Leonard Fumarto who was the author of them. I retrieved Uncle Jack's secret software program from its hiding place (all the alphabet agencies in the world could never find it) and check it against Leonard Fumarto's previous e-mails to me. BINGO! He was the author of all those e-mails. It was a more foolproof identity "make" than you can get from fingerprints or DNA.

I got another nasty e-mail from Leonard Fumarto (disguised as Terrance Leednaught) telling me all about the horrible things he was gong to do to me. I e-mailed back to him a message which said something like...

"No, Mr. Fumarto. You are not going to do any of those things to me. What you are going to do is go to prison and become a member of the AEP (Asshole Enlargement Program) and, when you come out, your rectum will be approximately the size of the Holland Tunnel."