moneymakingsecrets

"No, Mr. Fumarto. You are not going to do any of those things to me. What you are going to do is go to prison and become a member of the AEP (Asshole Enlargement Program) and, when you come out, your rectum will be approximately the size of the Holland Tunnel."

I also cc'd a copy of this message to the real e-mail address of Leonard Fumarto. Leonard e-mailed me back almost immediately declaring his innocence. I e-mailed him back and told him how I KNEW it was him and how the name of my Bimini boat was "No Mercy" because it reflected my personality so accurately.

All this occurred in the evening and I took a couple Ambien and went to bed. As soon as I woke up the next morning, my phone was ringing. It was Leonard Fumarto himself. He told me how I was making a terrible mistake. How he was not the author of those e-mails. And then, I explained in detail how I knew it was him and painted a picture for him of what the rest of his life was going to be like.

He started sobbing. He started begging. He admitted he did it. He tried to explain his actions by telling me how much my rejection of his proposal had hurt him. He begged me (through his sobs) not to ruin his life. He explained how he was only 17-years old and had done all this in a blind, insane rage. He said he would do anything (anything whatsoever) if I would let him off the hook.

I told him to shut up and listen. I told him not to say a single word. Then, I said, "Leonard, I'm hungry and I'm going downstairs to eat breakfast. During my breakfast, we're going to find out how good a copywriter you really are. Here's why: When I come back from breakfast, I am going to have an e-mail from you.