Gary Halbert Personal Ad

# Gary Halbert Personal Ad

Are you a soft, sexy, exciting lady who would li ke to have a taste of
“part-time paradise”? If so, read on. My name is Gary and I am looking for a very spec ial woman who would
like to share a few small (but exciting!) adventures with me and who wants
to enjoy a part-time slice of the good life. Are y ou that woman? Maybe,
maybe not. The first thing it depends on is me. Y ou see, if I’m not your
kind of guy then what I have to offer may not be yo ur idea of how life
should be lived. So let’s start with me. Here’s what my life is like. First of all, I’m an
early riser. I usually get up around 6 AM and eat a piece of fruit and drink
a cup of coffee and then, on most days, by 6:30 AM, I’m jogging around
Lake Hollywood. How far I run depends on how good I feel. It’s never
less than three miles and seldom more than seven. When I’m finished, I
get into my car and drive to a place I call “The Ho use of Pain” (actually
the sign outside says Vince’s Gym) where a stone-ag e sadist who
masquerades as a fitness instructor forces me dumbb ells, barbells and
other fiendish contraptions in ways my body was not designed. Whatever, after about an hour of this, I travel to yet another
establishment where I give my tired hurting body a chance to recover
while I rest upon a UVA suntan bed and listen to so othing music ( usually
Rod Stewart or Jimmy Buffet) on a pair of stereo headphones.

By the time I am finished, it is approximately 9:45 AM and what I do
next is go home, shower, change into fresh clothes and eat a light
breakfast. Finally, after all this, I go to work. And boy, do I ever work, I love what I do for a living and, I must
confess, I am truly a workaholic. For example, rig ht now I am attempting
to put together the financial and promotional packa ges for 10 different
feature films. I am writing two books (one fiction and one non-fiction). I
am collaborating on a screenplay and I am attending to the details of two
businesses that I own personally and, also, to the business details of
several corporate and personal clients whose names are household words. It’s quite a workload. And what do I do after I stop working? What is m y big reward for all
this running and grunting and pumping iron and stre tching and straining
and writing and thinking and solving and creating and caring and so on? Nothing, that’s what. Nada. Zip. Not doodley squat! No “Miller
Time!” No drugs. No sex. No rock and roll. Not even a little wine and some classical music. Why? The answer is simple. You see, for the la st 31⁄2 months I have
been spending my evenings and weekends on a maratho n of non-stop
sulking. And why have I been sulking? Good question. An d, once again, the
answer is simple. Up until 31⁄2 months ago, my “Mill er Time” was terrific.

It was terrific because there was a very beautiful, very erotic, very special
lady in my life and we were in a relationship that I thought would last
forever. But that relationship has ended. It has ended stupidly, tragically,
and for insane reasons totally beyond the ability of any human to control. Well, such is life. But what’s done is done and 31⁄2 month’s worth of
sulking is more than enough for anyone and now it i s time for me to climb
up out of my sulk and find myself another special woman. So why write an ad? Why do I have to advertise for a woman? Am I
some kind of geek with two heads and bad breath? No, I am not. I am a reasonably attractive (may be even semi-
handsome?) Caucasian male in his mid-forties with a sparkling personality
(except when I’m sulking), a keen wit, a steady han d, and a clear eye. I’ve
got a good tan, dark brown hair and a short, neatly trimmed dark brown
beard with a couple of “interesting” spots of grey. I am of average size. Not short, not tall, not fat, not skinny,. I’m in excellent health, I’m not
hurting for money and I can look any maitre de in t he country right square
in the eye without flinching. So once again, why do I have to advertise to get a woman? Well,
actually, I don’t. I’ve been married twice. I’ve had a few other serious
relationships and, of course, my share of one-night stands and short term
romances. I’ve enjoyed the company of a few really outstanding ladies
and I want to do so again. But you know what else?

I’ve also met many ladi es who were not so
outstanding. In fact, I’ve met more than a few wom an who, although they
had great exteriors, were, on the inside, flat out dummies! Want some examples? You do? OK, you asked for it. Try these out for
size. Zelda The Princess: Zelda is a 26-year-old Jewish lady who waltzed i nto
my office and immediately informed me (before I even had a chance to say
hello) that she wanted me to write an ad for her an d that she wanted to go
to bed with me. Well, what the hell, on some days I’m a pushover. She got what she
wanted and I must admit, she gave me one of the mos t thorough screwing
I’ve ever had in my life. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen in bed. And, what happened in bed was unfortunate also. You see. Zelda’s idea
of good sex is brutality. She wants a man who will slap her around,
degrade and humiliate her and, quite literally, bounce her off the walls. Sorry, but that’s not me. I like to make love with women, not war. Sherry The Tragic: Sherry was a secretary and a go-go dancer. Great
body, a very pretty face and a good sense of humor. Unfortunately, she
was also a “walking accident” looking for a place t o happen. She was
always in court on charges relating to neglecting h er four-year-old
daughter and her ex-boyfriend was a Mafia hit man ( true) who wanted her
back and who was trying to find her. We had a very brief affair.