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This product is called "Virgin" and it is based on
a secret herbal formula that is 100% safe and natural.
The main ingredient is Aleppo Oak Gall (AOG) that has been
treated with a secret process. It has been used for centuries
by the most powerful, the most successful and the most highly-desired
women in Asia.

And, now a Malaysian biotech company owns
the rights to this secret formula and is selling it to the
women of the world with...

A
Full One -Year

Money Back Guarantee!

If you are unhappy with this product for any reason, just send
back the empty product container (any time within the next 12
months) and get a full and…

It is easy to order and it only costs
$59.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling. All you have to
do is use any of your credit cards and call the 800# below and
tell the operator you want to order Product #97.
(By the way, none of the operators will be aware of the type
of product you…

You can call anytime 24-hours a day, 7-days
a week. Just give the operator your name, address and
credit card information and this amazing product will be
shipped to you by Overnight Priority Mail in a plain, unmarked
package.

1-800-###-####

In my conceited, self-aggrandizing opinion, I
honestly believe there's no other copywriter in the world who
could have written that ad. There are many good (and a few
great) copywriters. But, there's only one true copywriting
god. (And, of course, that's Yours Truly.)

By the way, I did an enormous amount of
preparation before taking on this project. I believe it will
make my client (already an international multi-millionaire) a
profit that will have to be expressed by a 9-digit number.
We'll see, won't we?

Remember I told you earlier I work with
clients by phone, fax, FedEx, e-mail, and USPS? What I didn't
tell you is... my favorite way to work with clients is... in person!

And now that I've decided to take on clients
(a very few) again, if you want to work with me...

You Can Spend A Few Days 100% Free...

In That Vacant Studio Apartment

I Described Earlier!

If you decide to hire me and work with me in
person, I will unplug my home phone, my cell phone, my fax,
and even my computer. I will likewise ask you to turn off your
cell phone, beeper, and PDA (if you happen…

If this appeals to you (and you really
can afford to pay my $15,000 up-front fee) you are welcome to
call me at my home telephone number which is (786)
924-3918. And, if you are interested, you need to call
right away because... whenever I start accepting clients... I
get fully booked up... in the blink of…

Do me a favor: Please do not call me
unless you're serious and can honest-to-God afford to pay my
$15,000 up-front fee. Do not call me if you just want
to pick my brain and get some free marketing ideas. All that
will do is piss me off and cause me to call my friend…

Sincerely,

Gary C. Halbert

P.S.

There
is no such thing as a "bargain copywriter". If a
copywriter

is really good, he can sell himself so well he can end up
working

26-hours a day, 9-days a week.

I don't want to do that. Believe it or not, as much as
I love marketing, I'd really…

# zfzz grout sponge

From:

South of Jewfish Creek

Dear Friend &
Subscriber,

See the date (above) of this newsletter?

Guess what? That date is a flat-out lie.
That's the date this letter should have been written.
It wasn't. I didn't get this newsletter out in time because I
have a new "hobby" that occupies an enormous amount…

My New Hobby Is Moving!

Remember Hurricane Irene? You probably don't
unless you live in South Florida. The truth is, most of us
just flat out don't give a shit about anything that happens
outside our immediate geographical area... unless, of
course... that event somehow affects us personally or
business-wise. Ah, whatever. Anyway, Irene was one of…

I go to bed not even thinking about Irene.
Well, the forecasters mispredicted (I think I just invented a
new word) the track she was going to take and she made a
bull's-eye directly on the house in which I was living. I
lived in the bottom half of the house and, at the time, my
aunt and…

Category One. No big deal. Except somehow,
everybody forgot it is the water damage from a hurricane which
wreaks the most havoc. Those high wind speeds make the most
dramatic video bites for the TV news casters... but... it is
the amount of water the hurricane dumps on the land which
mostly determines the extent of the damage.

Guess what? Irene dumped 13 to 16 inches per
day on some parts (including my part) of Florida. When
I woke up, much of the stuff in my apartment was floating.
The property on which we were living literally turned into
"Lake Halbert." My Aunt Wanda actually took photos of me
paddling my poke boat in the driveway and all…

Bottom-line: The damage was so extensive, I
had to move. At the time, I had a little office I really
didn't need. I just had to have a place to go so I
could get out of the house once in a while when my uncle was
sick. My little "getaway" was next to the gym where I…

Damn, did that ever suck! The master
thermostat to set the temperature for all the units was
located in my office... but... I wasn't allowed to operate it.
For whatever bizarre reason, I was always freezing my ass
off... or... about to expire from heat exhaustion.

Not only that, the walls were all of about
1/4" thick so I could hear everything going on in the gym...
including... a bunch of porker women yelling their way through
an aerobic class at all hours of the day and night...
including... the hours before sunrise.

Plus, the roof leaked.

Seriously leaked.

Thus, I decide to move a bit further up the
road to a nice place called the Pelican Motel. I end up living
there for more than three months. Clean, neat and basic. All
is well... except... I had to learn to do what I later termed
"The Pelican Shuffle." In other words, once…